SMEYER HAS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU

I know, RobPatt!  My hair feels similarly about this turn of events!

Anyway, Smeyer would just like to let you know that if you don't have babies immortality will just suck.  Seriously, apparently all the female vamps have to do with their endless lives is totally freak the fuck out about pregnancies, because their eternal, stony uteri will never ever give them the one thing they need for satisfaction:

 

That's right.  Babies.  Screaming, wailing babies everywhere.

Because while vampladies' gametes are frozen into tiny icy pebbles of death and decay which, interestingly, could be sold to chill people's martinis,

 

vampmenz sperm are still very much alive and happily impregnating people.  Anyhoo, ladies, so be sure to jump on it and get freaky with your husboyfriend before he turns you all immortal and such, because otherwise you'll lament it for the rest of your very, very long lives.  And it's totally worth it.  I mean, there's that teensy hitch wherein your unholy child chews its way out of your body --

but I'm pretty sure it looks like that guy up there, so no fear -- and then there's the part where yr husboyfriend gives you a C-section with his teeth and then stabs a giant needle full of his drool into yr heart, but given that the interior of your heart looks like this,

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much.  And then there's that bit where your burbling bouncing babylass breaks yr spine and maybe most of yr organs on her way out, but hey!  Nothing immortality can't fix!  In short: babies solve everything, so be a vampire AND a mother.  They go together like rats n' plague!

Buffy's Sex Life: Discuss!

So it was a toss-up whether to post this here or on LJ, but I'm putting it here because I'm betting a certain someone and I get into a gigantic Buffy/feminism tussle.  Yeah!

Anyway, Friday in my English class* we discussed an article** about Buffy.  The bit I had a problem with was where Rutkowsky, who portrays herself as a sex-positive feminist, described vampire foreheads as "swollen," "bumpy," "grotesque" stand-ins for sexual organs.  Ok, swollen, check, bumpy, depends who you talk to...but grotesque?  Did someone have a few too many abstinence-only sex ed classes?  In any case, wound up in a spirited discussion of how the state of people's sexual organs is, actually, my business, and everyone's business, in fact.  Oh, and about how Twilight sucks.

*Buffy spoiler alert*

The interesting bit was where the prof and I got into a wee argument on how sex is treated in Buffy.  There I was thinking how cool it was that Buffy and her buddies are allowed to have sex and be protagonists, but I guess the truth is I hadn't thought about it that much.  When you do think about it, Buffy is punished for having sex...kind of a lot.  There's the whole Angel deal, which I kind of put aside because Joss Whedon wishes he'd never done it, but then moving on from there: Buffy gets with Parker and is wounded and brooding for like five episodes because hook-ups will damage you emotionally.  She only recovers when she's allowed*** to smack him over the head a few times.  Then there's Riley...remember when their sex fed a whole house o' evil?  And how about him shagging Faith in Buffy's body?  Or how it ended, in a vampire whorehouse?  Conclusion: Joss Whedon, what happened to the horror-movie victim girl kicking ass AND having sex?****

*Which is totally fabulous in that I get to shout things like "Unpack your invisible knapsack!" and "Gender is between your ears, not between your legs!" the entire class period.  The rest of the class says things like "But where is the white male in television?"
**"Why Chicks Dig Vampires: Sex, Blood, and Buffy" by Alice Rutkowsky, apparently not available in its entirety online
***Buffy turns into a cavewoman.  It's complicated and involves beer and warlocks.
****Joss Whedon always hated how in horror films, it's always the interesting woman who dies first.  She's fun, exciting, and has sex...and is usually killed seconds after the act.  Buffy was him taking back that girl.