Friday, April 16, 2010

Oppression: Let's fucking get this straight, motherfuckers.

IN WHICH I GO ON AND ON but there’s a poem in here somewhere, and also I think it’s important.  This is who I am! This is how I write!  I’m vaguely academic, you guys!  Deal with it!  What I lack in frequency of posts, I make up for in being Totally Goddamn Didactic.  Also in swearing a lot.  But you love me!

And maybe I am preaching to the choir here, but, lately, I find that I am having the same conversation again and again, and unsettlingly enough, it’s usually with people I actually like and actually have a small amount of trust and feminist faith in, which is why I’m surprised when we hit a point in the conversation when they say something like

“BUT, SAVANNA, MEN ARE ALSO OPPRESSED—THEY AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE SENSITIVE”

or

“BUT I MAKE FUN OF EVERYONE EQUALLY, SO I’M NOT A RACIST/SEXIST/HETEROSEXISTHOMOPHOBE/ABLIST”

or

“EVERYONE IS OPPRESSED—QUEERS, REDHEADS—IT’S ALL THE SAME!”

That last one happened in class and prompted me to Flip My Fucking Shit, and, luckily, also prompted our Professor to Flip Her Fucking Shit, and we did everything but throw desks.  It was raw, y’all.

HERE IS THE THING.  Here is the goddamn thing that you have to understand.  Racism/Sexism/Ablism/Heterosexism are not the same as prejudice, and they are not the same as discrimination.  They are SYSTEMS that function off of PRIVILEGE.

(more, so much more, after the jump)





I have been citing Marilyn Frye’s article “Oppression” like it is my job these days.  If you haven’t read it, you should—in fact, here: http://tinyurl.com/y2pfd43 There you go. 

Now.  Frye makes a lot of good points, but basically what she says that’s important is that systems of oppression benefit privileged groups.  Men cannot be oppressed by sexism because they benefit from a system of privilege.  Though it may be an inconvenience that they, for instance, are expected not to cry, that inconvenience actually reinforces their privilege and strengthens patriarchy. 

Beverly Tatum has an article called “Defining Racism—Can We Talk?” (I can give you that one too, if you want.  Let me know) which expands this to make an intersectional argument.  In sort of the convex situation, she says, people of color cannot be racist because they do not benefit from a system of racism.  Prejudice between groups of color actually divides them and strengthens white supremacy—and “reverse racism” is basically impossible since people of color are not in a position of privilege.  They can, theoretically, be prejudiced against whites, but since they do not benefit systematically, this really exists on the individual level. 

So, “making fun of everyone” is not “equal,” depending on which positions of privilege you inhabit.  Perpetuating the stereotypes, jokes, and attitude which belittles a group you do not belong plays into very real systems of oppression.  Period. 

You’re with me?  Groovy.  Now I’d like to go back to Frye again.

The other awesome part of Frye’s article is her Birdcage analogy.  I’m obsessed with this damn metaphor.  She says if you look at one wire of a birdcage, it doesn’t seem to be much of a problem.  You could scrutinize it all goddamn day and still not understand why the bird just doesn’t fly around that wire.  In fact, if you looked at each individual wire of the cage separately, you would still not understand why it inhibited freedom and flight.  But! If you step back, look at the woven and repeating pattern of the wires, the cage is revealed.

We are expected to look at the wires individually.  We are expected to look at lines of pop songs as individual events, we are supposed to see men holding doors open for women as a polite thing to do—and individually, yeah, a line in a pop song isn’t a big deal.  Individually, that dude is probably just trying to be nice.  It is only when you look at the big picture, the repeated pattern of events, that you can see the system of oppression that exists. 

Which is why although some people might say that this blog and other feminist blogs are making mountains of molehills, that we “read too much into things,” it is, in fact, imperative that we critique these incidences in politics and pop culture.

MOVING ON.

I wanted to go back to the redhead comment from above.  Because I did get really angry in class that day—you know, as a lesbian who sometimes dyes her hair red, I had a particular problem with that assertion.  As a lesbian in general, I had a problem with that assertion.  As a feminist, I had a problem with that—and I know our queer feminist professor had a problem with it, and I know my peers of color had a problem with it.  When someone in a position of privilege makes remarks like this, it is a problem.  It needs to be critiqued. 

And, to be honest, having spent the semester in class with this person, I do believe that she has/had good intentions.  I believe that she really does want to be a strong ally, but when we critiqued her, she got highly defensive.  The thing at stake here is that when talking about feminist issues, one must be highly aware of your own position of privilege. 

It’s like, when I speak about racism, it is my job, it is my duty as a humanist, as a feminist, to not forget for even one second that I am white.  I am trying as hard as I can to be a really strong race ally, and so I am constantly in a learning status.  And if I were to make a remark that reflected my ignorance and my entitled privileged position, I hope and expect that my peer students of color would call me on it.  Which, actually, is what I have really loved about this class, is the strong bond I’ve made with fellow feminists, and how we’ve been able to learn from each other intersectionally.  It has been really powerful. 

So, after that illuminating remark, Student R (we’ll call her, for Redhead) also made another problematic statement.  In a discussion about LGBT rights, she chastised us for being “too negative” and said that we “really needed to look how far we’ve come.” 

Now, this looks like a nice sentiment.  I think she meant it to be. 
Who can tell me why it’s a problem?
You, in the back?  You, waving the copy of Lorde’s ‘Sister Outsider?’

Righto. Position of privilege.  As a heterosexual, R,  it is not your place to talk about how far the movement has come.  This is especially insensitive since there are, oh, at least 2 queers, one lesbian, and two bisexuals in the class, and you have never had to give up heterosexual privilege for a day of your life. 

This is, you know, also a problem because rocking back on one’s laurels, congratulating ourselves on minimal progress and then pretending that problems don’t exist is not at all productive, is, in fact, counter-productive, and is destructive to the people whose rights are yet to be addressed.  Not to mention—ignoring problems and expecting them to go away?  Yeah, that works really well for Racism—oh hey ColorBlind Methodologies, what’s up?  Yeah.  Yeeeeah.  Yeah.

So, to wrap up, I got really really angry with this girl.  I got so angry that I came to a place where I ran out of theory—a place where it was just me and I could no longer Not take it personally.  I wanted to shout at her.  It felt like a personal attack on me, because for me it was personal.  This was my life.   

I left class livid, sweating, shaking.  I met with my professor later that day, and we talked about what had happened.  A few days went by.  I was still angry.  I was still livid, sweating, shaking. 

To channel this rage into something productive, I wrote a poem.  I showed my prof, who was abundantly, astoundingly supportive.  She encouraged me to read it to the class.  So, the next week, I did.  I performed my poem, and the whole class (well, minus R) cheered.  It was affirming in a personal sense, but more than that, it was really nice to be able to express exactly what I needed to say, to be informative and explicative.  To illustrate privilege to someone and to (hopefully) make them see that privilege.  To (hopefully) enlist their empathy.

I’m posting my poem here for you lot.  [Z., you may recognize a sentiment recycled from my beatnik poem in HS, but shhh I swear it’s appropriate.]

-----


We’ve come
So
Fucking
Far

We’ve come so far that if I go on a date,
I probably won’t get the shit beaten out of me
As long as we stick to the right part of town
As long as neither of us looks too butch
As long as we don’t hold hands
Even when you really want to
Because you definitely don’t want to offend that old lady
And you definitely don’t want to get heckled by those guys
And you definitely don’t want to get that look from that man
So, even though holding hands is nice: you don’t.

We’ve come
So
Far
That one gay kiss
In a movie or a TV show raises the rating
My kisses are For Mature Audiences Only
Why?  My kisses are awesome! 
We’ve come so far
That two male penguins raising an egg
Can’t be called a family
In an illustrated children’s book
Without someone calling the school board
Telling them it’s
filthy.

We’ve come so far
That you NEVER see an ad on TV with two moms
Even though they also have hilarious run-ins with their teenagers over cell-phone bills
Or struggle trying to get their picky toddler to eat a certain food
Or battle grease stains or clean windows or buy groceries
Just like anybody else’s parents
My gay uncles are the only people I know with a bread-maker,
Why can’t they be on the big banner at William Sonoma?
Last time I checked the stereotypes,
Lesbians were the chief consumer of cats and Subaru Outbacks
Why aren’t we in the damn commercial?

We have come so far
That every time I have a stupid schoolgirl crush,
I have to go “Oh.  Wait.  Is she gay?  Am I creepy?  Should I talk to her? Ever again?”
Even though straight guys have no problem hitting on me
Even if and sometimes because they know I’m gay.
And I’m supposed to accept that with good humor
Although if I tried this with a straight girl, it would be harassment.

We have come so far
That you never have to ask where The Straight Bar is.

And we have come so far
That as I am deciding which grad schools to apply to
I can rule out
Vanderbilt, Ole Miss, Duke,
I can rule out
Anything in Alabama, Georgia, Florida,
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Kansas
Nebraska
Indiana
I can rule out entire states,
Entire sections of the country,
Because it isn’t worth the hassle of the daily shit.

We have come so far,
That I have a gay uncle who has been with his partner for almost 30 years
I have a gay brother who has been with his partner for 15 years
And my mother still put me under house arrest and therapy when she Found Out

We have come
So
Far
That last year Sexuality Based Hate Crimes were up
They were
The fashion.
We have come so far that last year
A gay couple on Oregon Beach was clubbed to death.
We have come so far that last year
A lesbian in San Francisco was gang raped
We have come so far that LAST YEAR
An openly gay boy in Puerto Rico was decapitated
They cut off his head, his arms and his legs
And they lit him on fucking fire.

So when you tell me that we need to look how far we’ve come,
I can only see that your vision’s a little myopic.
And when you tell me to look how far we’ve come,
I’m having trouble seeing just what you mean.
Maybe you mean
We’ve come so far that gay sex is no longer punishable by law? 
A ruling delivered less than a decade ago, in 2003. 
Maybe you mean
We’ve come so far that somewhere out there,
There’s a piece of paper that says I can’t be fired for being gay,
Though I certainly am not going to test it with My uptight bosses. 

Or maybe you mean
We’ve come so far that they finally added us onto the hate crime bill.
We’ve come so far
that we have so many killings
that they had to.

So when you tell me that I have a listening problem
Because I don’t want to listen
to you tell me how great the gays are doing
and I don’t want to listen
to you tell me how I need to focus on the positive
and I don’t want to listen
to you tell me to look at how far we’ve come
Let me assure you that there is nothing wrong
with my hearing
Or my vision.

3 comments:

  1. Yes and also yes! Being able to spell it out the way you do is so important when folks just. Won't. Get it. And continue to be proud of "making fun of everyone." Love love love the poem. Had to read it out loud.(And your Williams-Sonoma poem was a badass emerging feminist piece! I was talking about it a couple weeks ago, because G-L-O-R-I-A Steinem has an essay called The Politics of Food and it is all about WHY THE LADY DOESN'T GET THE CUPCAKE/huge piece of steak. (Spoiler: The Patriarchy wants us weak, hungry, and unable to revolt.)

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  2. Oh. Oh my Lady Gaga. This. This is fucking rad. Has anyone told you you rule lately? You rule the fucking world.

    Short version: DON'T TAKE THAT SHIT! I am so glad that you don't, by the way. Ladysquad hugs. (This ain't very much didactic! We can handle it! I swears!)

    I keep running into shit like this too, although, as a straight lady, it just pisses me the FUCK off rather than actually oppresses me (I get a lot of 'y u so mad, huh?'). Just a week or two ago I was at a bar hangin' out with my one of my roomie's more disgusting white, heterosexual, cisgendered, currently able-bodied friends and I called him out on being an ableist (gahd, that's a weird-looking word) asshat and told him why. "Oh, but it's ok, I make fun of everyone equally!" Direct quotes:

    Oh! Oh! You -- you make fun of oppressed minorities, but EQUALLY! Oh, well -- that's alright then! Gosh! Gosh, what a FRIEND you are! What a FIND! What a GEM! Your minority 'friends' must just treasure their time with you! What a devoted ally you are! Tell me, got any disabled friends? (I can't resist asking, just to watch my bullshit-o-meter explode/catch them in a lie)

    'Oh, yes...um, lots!'

    I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, love. You are not their friend. They are not your friend. Until you can even begin to understand the disadvantage they are at every single fucking minute of every single fucking day, you will always be part of the problem -- you will always be their oppressor.

    Mutter mutter slink away. (Him, not me)

    The contempt: I bury people in it.

    I *love* your poem. I want to shout it from mountaintops. Reading this, I felt the same -- 'look at how far we've come!' Really? I'm all for a little back-patting now and again, but really? We (the States) haven't even got gay marriage yet! You can't MOVE for people telling each other how 'gay' they are. It's EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. It's in the air we breathe, I swear...can't you just *smell* the hate some days? Maybe it's just coz I'm still stuck in Kansas.

    Also, 'too negative?' We're in the throes of an incredibly exciting human rights movement. THAT IS HOW YOU GET SHIT DONE. It bothers you because it's wrong; gradually, maybe attitudes change; perhaps it will be fixed. Nothing gets done without recognizing the problem, which DUH will be a negative experience because it's something oppressive that's oppressing YOU PERSONALLY. Or, if you're me, all yr favorite people.

    (Also, on there being a piece of paper saying you can't be fired: I have come to realize, rather painfully, that this only protects you if you have the money and willpower to sue. Sighhhhh.)

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  3. Yes and yes and yes. (I want to be all: Yes I said yes I will yes! but... I have not actually read that book, and I bet you have, and thus you know all the connotations and I don't. So! Please accept my sentiment of YES-ness, w/ or w/o literary allusions, as is appropriate.)

    Also, yes.

    Really. I want to print this off and post it on street corners. Yes.

    I don't know about you all, but I tend to think not "look how far we've come" but "look how much things sucked such a short time ago." We friggin' enslaved an entire race of people just a few generations ago. THAT IS AWFUL. I mean Jesus, there has been a LOT OF ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.

    Also, are you srs redheads oppressed WHAT. That... that is just so unfathomably ignorant. Redheads are my #1 example of a minority group (statistically, at least) that is NOT oppressed! Usually, this is in the context of language--why is a sexist or racist joke bad, why is "bitch" worse than "prick." Because in our society, being female is devalued, whereas having a prick is valorized! Then when people are like, "Nooo, I'm just insulting one aspect of a person, like the fact that they happen to be male or female! There are no political or oppressive connotations!" I bring up hair-color insults. It's hard to find examples, because a certain color/type of hair does not = marginalized group. Most hair-based insults are nonsensical and not offensive; the ones that have power and contribute to oppression are those where the insult is also gendered (dumb blonde!) or racialized (must I quote Don Imus? I'd rather not). Maybe "Ginger!" had more impact when Irish immigrants were discriminated against in England and the U.S., but it's 2010, and redheads are not an oppressed group. I THOUGHT THIS WAS OBVIOUS?

    Disclaimer to the Internet: I have red hair! Allow me to speak for my own experiences and hair-color-based marginalization. The extent of my suffering: I cannot wear bright orange or red T-shirts without looking ridiculous. THE BITTERNESS OF OPPRESSION!!!

    (Can I beat J. for longest comment?!?! I can sure try!)

    Actually, now that I think about it, hair color came up in a discussion of intersectionality in my feminist theory class, when one woman said, "But... anything can be an identity! Like having blonde hair! It's all the same." And something about that seemed off, but I couldn't express why. And you have done so for me, in a really lucid way. Time to read those articles, I think!

    Yessssss.

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