Trigger warning: graphic description of sexual violence*after the jump.
Overheard: "What, that test today? Oh, it totally mind-raped me."
"Yeah, no, this paper is going to rape me."
"It was like being raped in the head, like I could feel it hitting the back of my skull!"
These from your typical Nice Folks -- ladies and gents -- who are totally not homophobic/ableist/racist/sexist, what are you talking about, they're Nice Folks! They just say 'retarded' and 'gay' because they sound so great! It's not that they're, like, prejudiced! Jeez man, take a chill pill!
What I always say in my head:
"[X] totally raped me!"
"No. No it did not. It did nothing of the kind. Maybe it was difficult, maybe your calculator broke, maybe your hands shook, maybe you even cried, but it was Nothing. Like. Rape." This is *the* comeback that comes to mind. I have never actually said this because of the retort that is sure to follow:
"Oh, right, like you've been raped." As if it could only affect** me were I a survivor. What you have to admire, though -- and when I say admire, I mean loathe -- is the pure unexamined privilege that allows someone to say that. Like it's so spectacularly un-fucking-possible that anyone in their circle is a survivor that they haven't even considered that there are TWO possible answers to their question. Heads up, world: one in four.
So I want to know: what do you say to a rape 'joke?' I am going to try to stuff my head with your answers so I don't have to jump the above hoops. I know we've been going over and over this stuff (retorts and making people see why they should care) lately, so hopefully you're not sick of it. Oh, and in this entirely unhypothetical future environment, you're the only feminist in town/surrounded by a pack of Nice Folks.
*I know we're too small to really worry about this sort of thing, but I'm not cool with posting these quotes without one.
**H, referencing your comment on my LJ back over winter break: "Circuitous thoughts on saying "gay" (etc.) as a slur: either you think it's not a big deal to anyone ever, or you acknowledge that words are actually upsetting to people sometimes. Forget "offensive," I mean viscerally, personally upsetting. (More than once, I've almost cried when someone I thought was an ally called something "gay" or said something flippant about rape. I have lower expectations for humanity at large, so from a stranger or acquaintance, it just pisses me off but doesn't send me into convulsions or anything.) If you acknowledge the latter, assuming you're not a total asshole, you want to minimize that happening, right?"
I'm not certain I will be saying 'offensive' anymore. You're right, it blows way past that.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
2 days ago