Pee Standing Up? Your Pants Are Sexist.

I invite you, dear reader, to take a moment to become reacquainted with your trousers.  Really examine them.  They're pretty cool-looking, right?  Maybe they have awesome glitter or swirly embroidery and you're really quite satisfied with the fit, thankyouverymuch.  I have bad news for you, however: your pants were not designed with you in mind.

Oh, I'm not going on about the restriction of movement and the tightness of fit.  That's a rant I'm sure we've all had.  Or not.  The point I had in mind is that your pants were taken directly from the male model without a whole lot of consideration for your anatomy...namely, consideration for your lack of penis.

Think about it.  The fly is designed for male ease of pissing.  What about your ease of pissing?  Make that fly a few inches longer, vanish a few cultural standards, and, with a little practice, we'd all be peeing high and mighty.

Why, you ask, would anybody want to bother with stand-up urination?  As a lady who spends a reasonable amount of her time out in Teh Wilds, allow me to present a few reasons why having to pull your pants down sucks hardcore:

1. Your arse is exposed to the elements, which is really quite annoying when:
   

          (a) 50 mosquitoes instantly alight on it
          (b) you're in sub-zero temperatures
          (c) there's army ants, or a sandstorm, or WHATEVER.

1. It takes a lot fucking longer to find a sheltered spot and wrestle with your pants and underwear than to simply step off the trail and piss standing up. Holding your group up sucks. Not to mention that cover is sometimes simply not to be found...Texas springs to mind.*
   
2. When it's pitch-black out you can't tell where you're pissing, which can leave you peeing, oh, I don't know, on your own pant leg?
3. With your pants around your knees you've got a lot less mobility if, for example, an enraged water buffalo or drug lord spies you.

Even if you don't like hanging out on mountains and that, there are advantages to peeing manstyle.  It takes less time to do than the traditional version, and if someone walks in on you, you're saved from a bit of suddenly-public nudity.

Certainly there are devices to assist female urination...the Shenis, the Go Girl, and the P-Mate spring to mind.  Although this may be practical for hanging out in the wilderness, I just can't really get into carting around a giant piss-smelling plastic thingy for everyday use.  So I will continue blaming the root of the problem: pants designed for a phantom penis.

* We're going to pretend that Blogspot is actually reasonable about handling numbering and bullet systems.