Saturday, July 3, 2010

Points for Frankness

I bought myself breakfast cereal yesterday, for the first time in ages. I wanted something sweet, but all the ridiculous Cookie CrunchBerry Puffs I was denied as a child were close to $5. Fuck that. So I went for the Multi Grain Cheerios, which doesn't sound like sugary indulgence, but there's some delicious sweetener on 'em, and this was closer to $2. Much more reasonable.

This morning, when I was making myself breakfast, I read the box of the cereal I was pouring, as Regina and I love to do. The back panel listed ways to maximize the benefits of eating multiple grains, in between two smiling, skinny women, and I was feeling all healthy and active, like I was supposed to, until I got to their summary of why including multigrains in my diet is important.

"More Grains, Less You!" (click to see for yourself)

Oh right.

That's obviously the point of every weight loss product, whether it's dressing up as "health" or not, but I was surprised at how direct they were, and how they tried to make it look glamorous, with the italics and exclamation point.

Don't worry, though! I got the message! "You're fucking feeding yourself? Who the fuck do you think you are? This 'women eating' thing is dangerous, we gotta take em down a notch. Apatogen forbid they think it's okay to quit the self-effacing."

Next time I'm getting some fucking Apple Jacks. They won't dare to tell me to take up less space when they think I'm a teenage boy. They'll just give me sweet games.


  1. this is so gross. I want more me! How come no cereal wants there to be MORE OF ME.

  2. Frankness indeed. I mean, I just tune out the "maintain a healthy weight!! :D :D :D" ads for the most part, but "less you"?! Literally? There needs to be more you!

    I want to see fat-acceptance food advertising. I want pictures of women of all body types eating cereal and being like, "This is some delicious cereal! Maybe I can cut up some fruit and throw it in there? Or have some bacon on the side because my body needs protein in order to move. Ooh, YOGURT YES, I FRIGGIN' LOVE YOGURT." (This is, um, some sort of generic breakfast ad.) The slogan would be, "BREAKFAST: because when you wake up, you feel hungry, and you should eat something delicious. Who are we to tell you what that is! But try our very delicious cereal. BRAND X CEREAl: for people who like delicious things for breakfast, and also iron to keep yr blood strong."

    All right! Who is in charge of cereal marketing around here? I want to make this happen.

    I know I say this, like, daily, but Susan Bordo writes a lot about food ads and all the "take up less space! control yourself and your desires!" messages. So everyone should read S.B.

    AND ALSO, I looked at my box of Special K with "strawberries" (freeze-dried red bits), and although it did not promise "less of me," it did trumpet the fact that you could have a whole meal for less than 250 calories!!! Which is, obviously, NOT A WHOLE MEAL. GAH.

    I think what I am saying is: yeah.