I bought myself breakfast cereal yesterday, for the first time in ages. I wanted something sweet, but all the ridiculous Cookie CrunchBerry Puffs I was denied as a child were close to $5. Fuck that. So I went for the Multi Grain Cheerios, which doesn't sound like sugary indulgence, but there's some delicious sweetener on 'em, and this was closer to $2. Much more reasonable.
This morning, when I was making myself breakfast, I read the box of the cereal I was pouring, as Regina and I love to do. The back panel listed ways to maximize the benefits of eating multiple grains, in between two smiling, skinny women, and I was feeling all healthy and active, like I was supposed to, until I got to their summary of why including multigrains in my diet is important.
"More Grains, Less You!" (click to see for yourself)
That's obviously the point of every weight loss product, whether it's dressing up as "health" or not, but I was surprised at how direct they were, and how they tried to make it look glamorous, with the italics and exclamation point.
Don't worry, though! I got the message! "You're fucking feeding yourself? Who the fuck do you think you are? This 'women eating' thing is dangerous, we gotta take em down a notch. Apatogen forbid they think it's okay to quit the self-effacing."
Next time I'm getting some fucking Apple Jacks. They won't dare to tell me to take up less space when they think I'm a teenage boy. They'll just give me sweet games.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
1 day ago