SMEYER HAS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU

I know, RobPatt!  My hair feels similarly about this turn of events!

Anyway, Smeyer would just like to let you know that if you don't have babies immortality will just suck.  Seriously, apparently all the female vamps have to do with their endless lives is totally freak the fuck out about pregnancies, because their eternal, stony uteri will never ever give them the one thing they need for satisfaction:

 

That's right.  Babies.  Screaming, wailing babies everywhere.

Because while vampladies' gametes are frozen into tiny icy pebbles of death and decay which, interestingly, could be sold to chill people's martinis,

 

vampmenz sperm are still very much alive and happily impregnating people.  Anyhoo, ladies, so be sure to jump on it and get freaky with your husboyfriend before he turns you all immortal and such, because otherwise you'll lament it for the rest of your very, very long lives.  And it's totally worth it.  I mean, there's that teensy hitch wherein your unholy child chews its way out of your body --

but I'm pretty sure it looks like that guy up there, so no fear -- and then there's the part where yr husboyfriend gives you a C-section with his teeth and then stabs a giant needle full of his drool into yr heart, but given that the interior of your heart looks like this,

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much.  And then there's that bit where your burbling bouncing babylass breaks yr spine and maybe most of yr organs on her way out, but hey!  Nothing immortality can't fix!  In short: babies solve everything, so be a vampire AND a mother.  They go together like rats n' plague!